Wednesday, May 4, 2011

My journey ahead

Been awhile since I have posted, so much on my mind I can hardly process it all, lots of changes and things to work on ahead. Where to start...
I have started weening myself off my antidepressants, which much to my surprise (since I have tried before with not so good luck) is going really well. Its crazy when I think about how long I have been on them, since I was about 18...11 years or something. I really feel like some people really do have a insufficiency in their brain and need them, yet I have also always felt a little embarrassed to be on them. I believe my husband is probably right when he says that not only does he not like prescription medicines, but that their is probably a lot more not-so-good crap in prescriptions that the companies just don't tell you. It seems like most the people close to me are against them overall; and when I tell them how I feel about getting off them, how I am proud of myself, etc...I get what feels like negative reactions in some ways. How my body is toxic from them, how they are so bad, how they don't agree with being on them to begin with, etc. Honestly, I think I won't talk to anyone about it anymore. I am proud of myself, and whether it was ever good for me to begin with, is irrelevant. This will be the first time since I was 18 that I haven't been on ANY prescription medicines. Antidepressants, birth control, nothing. I am anxious to see how my body responds, I have a feeling its gonna like it.
I have taken my IUD out as well (which was a less then enjoyable or easy experience) and am not going to be on any birth control. I am starting a cleanse in a week or so, for my Endometriosis as well. I will be taking a good share of supplements/herbs now, and right now I am a little overwhelmed by the thought of them all and their schedule. But at least they are natural and will be helpful in various ways.
I am also going to be making diet and exercise changes, much needed and super long overdo. Gosh, I fear this will be the hardest for me, as it always is. Its funny, it seems so hard to make that connection between mind and body. To make the changes I know in my heart I absolutely have to make for my health and my future. It frusturates me so much, how I am getting in my own way of what I need to do, what I can have and be. It's a hard pill to swallow, it really is.  But i am trying to be vigilent, and strong. I am trying to focus and buckle down. I could really use some clarity, energy and better willpower though. Habits are hard to break I suppose. In the end, in what I hope to just be 6 months, I can start trying for a baby. To me, this is the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. The only thing I feel I am truly missing out on, that most already have. The thing the seperates me from so many, even those close to me. Parenthood. My one true love meant to be.
Please send positive vibes towards my dreams and goals. :)

No comments:

Post a Comment