Monday, June 27, 2011

My own little crazy

I wonder if I made a mistake.  Gosh, I feel I make those often. Is that normal? Ha!
I have been on antidepressants since I was a teenager, a long time to be on presciption medications. I told my husband how long I had been on them, and he looked at me like I was crazy. Ironic, eh?!  I explained to him how some people just have an inbalance and need them, I being one of those people. I weened myself the proper way, through my Dr., but now I am done with that and am trying to just transition. Not going so well, the fact that I am PMS'ing isn't helping much at all.  :(
I made this decision when I started doing a 3 month supplement cleanse for my endometriosis, now 2 months ago. I also then started taking some things that would help with the depression/anxiety. I thought that taking them early on, letting them build up in my system while still weening off prescriptions stuff, would be plenty. But now I feel that this wave of emotional crying spells, super irritability, and all over one that I want off of and can't handle. My basic everyday functions are affected. And it's exactly how I feel if I am not on my meds. Yet I wonder if I can just hang in there, if it will pass and I will be ok. I do NOT want to go back on them at all. I wish I had this answer.

This all started in my long journey to become healthy for pregnancy. Now, I find myself wondering if I would have be a good Mom.  I feel scared, and unsure and yet don't want to give that dream up.  But can I do this on my own? Because this road has lots left to travel on before I see the end which is a baby....