Monday, October 10, 2011

Stand- still

I never seem to be on here anymore, guess I feel I have nothing too noteworthy to add to the world. Besides, not sure anyone but me is listening to my own thoughts anyways. Yet, I do always feel just a tad better when I am venting in my writing. So here I sit again, not sure what to say...yet inside, I have so much that is being said.
The world just keep on moving, despite the fact that I still feel like i am standing still. People enjoying their jobs, having babies and starting families, people traveling here and there and exloring new places. Everyone seems to be moving in postive directions, constant change, always evolving. It almost feels like I am in a bubble just floating around watching the world and people in movement. I can't seem to create any of the changes and movement I would like to see in my own space. Always feeling stunted. 
Losing weight doesn't seem to be working; either from health stuff or lack of motivation.  Sometimes I feel I want a baby, other times I feel not so sure.  My hubby and I seem to have gotten into a rut (already, after just a year of marriage, altho 8 years together) where there is no more intimacy or sex. Its constant up's and down's with the step kids and ex wife (altho this I expect). I have little to no friends, and I never see the couple I do, they too seem to be in constant change and movement. I am burned out at work, after 8-9 years, yet I do enjoy the people I work with but have no "career" to change jobs. My heatlth is an ever constant issue, from one issue to the next.  Re-reading all I just said now, it reads like just a bunch of complaning and little changing on my part. I know it takes my cooperation, focus, and drive to make it all get better.  But then why can't I?   I can't seem to do anything but stand still.......