Friday, December 28, 2012

The trials of trying to conceive

I read this morning that your chances of conceiving when timed correctly every month is still only 25%, so basically you have a 75% chance of not getting pregnant every month even when timed correctly. How do people do it then?  It's so easy for all these teeny boppers to not even think and get pregnant. Or for that matter, when you are trying NOT to get pregnant and be careful, accidents happen.
It took years to agree on a good time frame with my hubby and I. It's never the "perfect" time. There is never enough money, the step kids will be unhappy, what will we do about daycare and cost, blah blah blah.  I had hoped to do it by the time I was 30 at the latest. Now 3 years later still no baby. For awhile we waited because of my hubby, then it was because of me. In Aug, we decided that we aren't getting any younger and we ought to just go ahead and try. 4 months since we started "trying", and nothing. Funny how that works out, how when you want to it seems to take awhile.
I could google and research all day and try to guess one of the million reasons it hasn't happened yet.  Improve your diet, lose more weight,. work on your stress, have sex in different positions, have sex before ovulation, every other day, every day, or it could be the history of endometriosis. Seriously. Who flippin knows, is what I say!  My crystal ball doesnt seem to be working currently!
Sometimes I feel like maybe I'm not cut out for it anymore, that I won't be any good at it, that I like my alone time too much. Other times I feel that if I don't do it just once I will regret it (even tho it scares me and I am practically the only person left I know who hasn't),  neither myself or my hubby are getting any younger, and that I want to experience the joy others feel of having a part of your heart out there walking around in the world. They say everything happens for a reason. I suppose the universe will show me when its my time one of these days, right?!

Whirlwind months

Wow. Where do I start. Since August, TONS of things have came and went. Change has been a steady wind in the air. Here it is in a nutshell:
August started off with us selling our modular, having to find somewhere to move in a month, close on the house, pack and move. My hubby also started a new job, and the second week of his new job he was out of town and that was the week we moved. And our 2nd wedding anniversary.
Things seemed to be moving along nicely, and in September my sweet 8 month old puppy got out of the kennel he stayed at at a friends while we worked, and has never been found. That seemed to start a downward spiral for me. He was so special to me, and despite months of looking and hoping, I had to let it go and just choose to believe he had found a good home. Easier said then done, I miss him every day.
October and November primarily seemed to be a couple months of depression, and trying to get back into a normal groove. My hubby's hours are very long, he works 100 + hours in a 2 week time frame usually. It has been quite an adjustment; feel like I didnt get married to be alone all the time. Yet my hubby is so much better to be around, a happier man thats rarely grumpy now. The money is better and its a great job. So basically I am just trying to adjust, and its getting easier all the time. I suppose its just an adjustment curve type thing. :)
On a good note, we live in a great rental that we feel very lucky to have. We rescued a great new little puppy that we love, she keeps up on our toes. My hubby is happier.  I'm doing my best to believe that this upcoming year will be a good one. The whirlwind is dying down......I hope :)